WELCOME TO BLACK LAKE, NY - A FRESHWATER FISHERMAN'S PARADISE


FISHIN' POX
VERY CONTAGIOUS TO ADULT MALES


SYMPTOMS-
Continual complaint as to need for fresh air, sunshine and relaxation. Patient has a blank expression, sometimes deaf and blind to wife and kids. Has no taste for work of any kind. Frequent checking of tackle catalogs and Internet fishin' pages. Hangs out in Sporting Goods Stores longer than usual. Secret night visits to post messages at Angler's OnLine and Bass Fishing Home Page. Mumbles to self. Lies to everyone.

NO KNOWN CURE

TREATMENT-
Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal. Victim should go FISHIN' as soon as and as often as possible.








Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
A: Damn!





Time spent
FISHIN'
is not deducted from one's lifespan.
I've spent most of my life
FISHIN'
The rest of it I just wasted






"ANGLER"
An obsessed individual who owns a house that is falling down due to neglect, a truck whose color can best be described as Rust-Oleum, and a pristine bass boat that he chamois' down methodically before and after each trip.


"TREBLE HOOK"
Triples the odds of your catching a fish. Quadruples the odds of your getting the hook caught in your thumb.


"THUMB"
A temporary hook holder.


"KNOT"
(1) An insecure connection between your hook and fishin' line.
(2) A permanent tangle on your spinning reel which forces you to go out and buy a bigger, better, much more expensive rig.


"FISHIN' PHILOSOPHY"
There's a fine line between fishin'
and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I once gave up
FISHIN'
It was the most terrifying weekend of my life





You never have to ask your wife, "Can I go fishin'?"..... The question is, "Can I come home?"





"THE FISHIN' GENIE"

This fellow was fishin' off the shore when a lantern washes up. He picks it up and while he was drying it, all of a sudden there's a cloud of smoke and this Genie appears. The Genie thanks the angler for releasing him from the lantern and grants the angler three wishes. Well the fisherman thinks about it.

(Thinking?????????)

For his 1st wish, he asks for one of each piece of Fishin' Tackle in the BassPro Catalog. The Genie grants his wish and there's a whole warehouse full of tackle.

For his 2nd wish, he asks for a brand new Ranger Bass Boat with all the options and a 200hp Mercury Outboard. His 2nd wish is granted and there is a fully rigged Ranger Bass Boat and a 200hp Merc.

Well he really has to think about his last wish.

(Really Thinking???????????????????????????????)

Well for his last wish, he asks that he be able to live a long long life and be able to fish every minute of everyday.

The Genie grants his final wish, and the fisherman turns into a GREAT BLUE HERON.





There was a man from Nantucket who.....oops that's not Fishin' related





"THREE MORE WISHES"

Three fishermen were fishin' when they came upon a mermaid. The mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: "double my I.Q" so the mermaid did it and to his surprise he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said: "triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!" The fisherman said "yes"so the mermaid turned him into a fisherwoman.





FISHIN'
it is the 2nd greatest thrill known to man CATCHIN' is the 1st.
"A FISHERMAN"
A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other





"ICE FISHIN'"

A guy was fishin' through a hole in the ice, and after half-an-hour was getting nowhere. He thought that maybe the fish were clumping in some other areas, so decided to drill another hole.

After another wasted half-an-hour, he started drilling yet another hole when he heard a voice coming from all around "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE".

The guy paused, then carried on. Again came the voice "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE".

The guy, somewhat awed, said "Is that you, God?" and the voice replied "NO. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK".





"A DYNAMITE FISHERMAN"

The Game Warden always wanted to go fishin' with Old John because he always caught fish. Well, one day he finally he got his chance, when Old John invited him to go along. It wasn't long til they got to Old John's favorite spot and anchored. Old John reaches down into his tackle box and pulls out a stick of dynamite...lit it and threw it in the lake.

KA-BOOM

and there's fish floating all over the place. "Whoa" said the warden "that's illegal". Well, Old John just reaches in and pulls out another stick. He lights it and throws it in.

KA-BOOM,

more fish. The Warden says, "John, I am going to have to arrest you if you do that again". Well, Old John just reaches in the tackle box and again pulls out another stick. He lights it and tosses it to the Warden and said "Now, you gonna talk all day or fish"?





"ANOTHER GENIE"

Two guys were fishing on the Pacific Ocean. Their motor broke down and they drifted with the wind for 10 days. They were really hurtin' as they had no food or water. One guy looked over the side of the boat and saw a genie lamp. He plucks it outta the water and starts to rub it............

POOF!!!!!!!

Out pops a tired and burnt out looking genie. The genie says, "Look guys, I've been doing the 3 wish thing for a long time now and I'm tired of it! You guys get one wish! And make it a good one." The simpler one of the two yells out, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!" The genie says, "So be it!"

POOF!!!!!!!

and he turns the entire Pacific Ocean into beer and returns to his lamp. The other guy slaps his simple buddy up-side the head and says,

"Way to go you FOOL!!! Now we gotta piss in the boat!!!!!!"





"DRUNK or SOBER?"

The first mate was found to be drunk one day and that day it happened to be the captain's turn to write in the ship's log so he wrote :

"The first mate was drunk today."

He begged and pleaded to the captain to remove that entry but
the captain argued that once an entry was made in the company's log it couldn't be deleted. The first mate decided to get even. The next time it when it was the first mate's turn to write in the log, he wrote:

"The captain was sober today."





"CHOO..CHOO?"

Two morons, Bill and Jack, were sitting in a bar one day, when two fishermen walked in with 2 huge trout, one of the morons asked where the guys got the fish, and the fishermen told the morons that they go down to the bridge, one guy would hold the other by the ankles until a fish was caught. The morons figured that they could to that. After holding Bill for about 20 minutes, Jack asked Bill if he had anything, and the reply was "no." About 20 more minutes passes, so Jack asked again, and again the reply was "no." Finally, Bill yelled "Pull me up!! Pull me up!!" Jack exclaimed "Ya got one?" Bill said, "No! a train is coming!!"





"DADDY MADE ME DO IT"

One day a little boy was late for Sunday School and the pastor detained him and asked him the reason for his tardiness. The little boy shuffled his feet and then blurted out, "I started out to go fishin' instead but, my father wouldn't let me.". The pastor beamed broadly, "You have a very wise father, "he said," and did he explain to you the reason why?". The little boy nodded, "Oh, yes sir, he said there wasn't enough bait for the two of us".





"BAIT? WHAT BAIT?"

Two guys are walking along the shore and spotted some anglers.
One said to the other "I can tell what kind of bait they used buy looking at the fish they caught" They seen a guy with two bass.. he said "He caught one on a jig and one on a spoon". So they asked the guy and sure enough he did.
They come across a guy with three catfish. The guy says "He caught one on a worm and two on chicken livers. They asked the guy and sure enough. About that time a guy went by with a speed boat pulling a beautiful girl on water ski's. The one guy say's< "OK smarty pants what did he use to catch her?". "A diamond ring, a new Cadillac, and A big house! "How can you be so sure?"...The guy said "That's my X-wife."





"SOMETHIN' SMELLS A BIT FISHY"

A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishin' rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses and his dog are behind the counter.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" he asked.

"Well, I'd like to buy a fishin' rod, can you tell me about this one?"

The salesman replies, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I am blind and cannot see the rod you're referring to. However, if you'll drop it onto the counter, I'll tell you all about it from the sound it makes."

The lady picks up the rod and does what he says and drops it on the counter.

He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15.

Lady - "Wow!"

She finds another and does the same.

"That's an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20."

Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one. As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady makes a rather large noise as she passes gas, but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is.

The salesman then says,
"That'll be $25."

"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! YOU SAID $20..."

"That's right ma'am. $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the fish bait!"





The best fight a fisherman will ever fight, is with the fish that got away...

The Fisherman that practices catch and release,will have fish in future to practice with.

FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2>Sometimes the best part about the sport
of fishing is doing nothing at all!!


Trophy Bass that hang on walls gather dust. Trophy Bass left in water make more Trophies..





Fishing rule #1
The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.

Fishing rule #2
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.

Fishing rule #3
Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.





Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman,

"Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you she would prefer the orange roughy for supper tonight.





Work is for people who can't fish!
 
Nothing increases the size of your catch as much as the absence of witnesses!!





Why the fish ain't bitin'.........

It's the full moon!
There is no moon!
We have the wrong kind of bait!
These fish don't eat plastic they eat live bait!
These fish don't eat live bait they eat plastic!
It always gets better at high tide!
It always gets better at low tide!
If we hook 'em you'd just loose 'em!
Not enough beer on board!
It's too early in the day!
It's too late in the day!





You can't catch the "big ones " if you don't leave the dock!!





You know you are a real fisherman when you go fishing on Superbowl Sunday
 
You know you are a real fisherman when your bait bills exceed your grocery bills





One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends fishing, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, It was cold and raining, and the fish weren't bitin' so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid next his wife.

"What a terrible weather today, honey." he said to her.

"Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!"





Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
 
Do you think fish brag about the size of the man he got away from?





If you wish to be happy for one hour, get intoxicated.
If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
If you wish to be happy for eight days, kill your pig and eat it.
If you wish to be happy forever...learn to fish!





Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.

"Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away."

"Now come on, David," his mother said, "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."

"But that's just what I did, mommy."





Two morons go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore.

1st moron: I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.

2nd moron: Yes, I made an 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot.

1st moron: You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?





You know you are a real fisherman when all of your wife's Christmas presents come from the tackle store!

You know you are a real fisherman when all of your Christmas cards come from bait and tackle stores!






Three guys decided to go fishing for the day. They take a cooler of their favorite beer. They were on the lake for six hours with nothing to show for it. All of the sudden, one of the guys says

"I don't know if it's the hot sun, or the beer, but it looks to me like that guy over there is walking on the water.

The other two see the same thing. They decide to go talk to him. They pull the boat up along side him. One of the guys asks him

"How in the hell ya doin' that?" The man replies "I am Jesus Christ."

All three start laughing "No, really, How do ya do that?"

The man replies "Don't you believe me? I'm Jesus!"

All three laugh again.

The man says "I'll prove it. Name a problem or ailment that you have and I will fix it."

The first guy says "alright, I have a bad back!" the man touches his back and to their amazement, His back felt better. "Now do you believe me?" said the man.

First guy says "I sure do".

Second guy says "Well I think it's a coincidence. I'm deaf in one ear since birth, now let's see ya fix that".

The man touches his ear and sure enough he could hear out of it.

"I can't believe it, you are Jesus" says the man.

So, Jesus looks at the third guy and says "Do you believe me?"

The guy replies "I most certainly do! But I gotta warn ya, If you touch me I'm gonna sue. I'm on permanent disability!"
Submitted by HAZARD50@aol.com





Top Ten Indicators That Your Current Girlfriend May Be THE ONE:

10. She refuses to eat pita bread because "pita" reminds her of PETA and makes her want to blow chips.

9. The speed dial codes on her cell phone include local lake conditions and the numbers of Cabela's and Bass Pro Shops.

8. She got pissed at you for wasting money on those "dumb roses", when she really wanted a new fishing pole.

7. She saw one of your buddies drinking a can of "Microbrews" and called him a "urine-swilling weenee" as she power-slammed a 25 oz. can of Fosters.

6. Her idea of a great evening is lubing your Shimano while watching "that silly 'ole Fish Fishburne".

5. She thinks Tom Cruise is ugly "because he doesn't fish, and any man who can't fish is unattractive to little old me!"

4. You cut a fart in front of her while casting for smallmouths in Black Lake and she says "right on! good one!"

3. She runs out of thread but does a great job of stitching up your comfortable raggedy old 501's using four-pound mono, AFTER she fillets five dozen crappie!

2. When you ask about the little scar on her hand, she regales you with wild tales of the giant alligator gar she caught on her 9th birthday.

And the Number One Indicator that your current squeeze may the THE ONE is:

1. You come home from work after a tough, rotten day, and she DEMANDS that you ignore all your chores until you've "gone fishin' with your buddies and cleared your head!"

Yeeesssssss!






Nothing grows faster than a fish from the time it bites until the time it gets away!!

"You should have been here yesterday....but wait 'til tomorrow!"

You know you are a real fisherman if hooking up a fish at 3:00 is your idea of an "afternoon delight"






"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.

"Why shouldn't I?" Jane inquired.

"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"

"No way, he returns every time without any fish..."





"Three Men And A Baby": What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.

My wife says if I go fishing one more time she's going to leave me.
Gosh, I'm going to miss her.

How can you tell when a fishermen is lying?
Watch his mouth real close if it moves he is lying.

Don't go swimmin', A shark just bit off my foot!
Which one?
I don't know. All sharks look the same to me.






MORE COMMON FISHING TERMS EXPLAINED

Landing Net
  • A net used to help land a large wiggling fish, or drag an inebriated fishing buddy back on board.

Live Bait
  • The biggest fish you'll handle all day.

Quiet Water
  • Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.

Skunked
  • One who returns to the boat ramp many, many hours after his buddies have gone home so that there are no witnesses to his catch or lack thereof.

Sinker
  • A weight attached to a lure to get it to the bottom.

  • The nickname of your boat.

Live Bait
  • The biggest fish you'll handle all day.

Quiet Water
  • Your surroundings after you stop cursing your bad luck and fall asleep at the reel.

Trolling
  • What you do after you've lost a $500 rod and reel set-up overboard.






Who's the Dummy??

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped.

With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes sir," replied the young angler. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."





What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!!!!

Two fathers and two sons went fishing - how many people were there?
Three - get it? Haw! Haw!

If "catching" fish is your guideline to a successful day on the water,
then you need to look for better fishing partners, or visa-versa...

The bigger the shrimp a fishermen uses for bait,
the smaller the fish will be that gets caught..

A fisherman and a womanizer have one thing in common,
Catch and Release.

The primary purpose of expensive fishing lures is to separate a fisherman from his wallet. Attracting fish is secondary.






Just found out about some cross breeding and thought you all might be interested. Seems the Coho salmon are getting a little thinned out due to pollution in the water so the Dept of the Interior decided to cross them with a fish that could stand a little dirtier water but they wanted a good eating fish so they crossed the Coho with a Walleye. This produced a Cowall. Problem was the cross produced a fish that didn't have a lot of fight in it so they crossed the Cowall with a Muskie and came up with a Cowallski. Now they just have to teach it how to swim.

The preceding essay was done without a thorough ethnic check of anyone who might read this page. The views expressed do not necessarily represent those of management and are for enjoyment only. No offense is intended.





Joe had a particularly bad fishing tournament. Nothing went right, his troll motor hit a stump and bent the shaft. His depth finder broke. He had the best fish of his tournament career on the line and lost it at the boat when the wake of a ski boat pitched him into the lake. Letting loose a stream of foul language the like of which has never been heard before or since, Joe proceeded to toss his tackle into the lake. Declaring that he would never fish again, Joe stomped off to the marina and proceeded to cut his wrists. At that point a fishing buddy happened in and, not noticing Joe's desperate condition, off-handedly said "Hey Joe, I need a fishing partner for tomorrow morning - how 'bout it?" Joe looked up and said "What time?"





Always pay close attention to fisherman with a little boat and a big ice chest..

Man who watches rod too closely, misses out on everything else going on around him..

Fisherman without camera , will surely be labled a storyteller..

Women break your hearts, big fish also break your line along with it...

Everyone will notice loud fishermen, including the fish..

Angler with bad sense of direction always cover alot of water...

If the fish are hitting one particular lure,
that is the one you won't have in your tackle box..

The bigger the fish seems to be,
the smaller the net will look also....






A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world, you could get anything you wanted there...

The boss asked him," Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the way he looked and hired him.. "You can start tomorrow and I'll come see you when we close up."

The day was long for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss found the lad and asked him, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One" said the young salesman....

"ONLY ONE?" screamed the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?" asked the boss...

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty five dollars" said the young man...

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well, this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook.. then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one.... I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines.... then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull the boat, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment "You sold all at that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman, "He came in for a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, As long as your weekend's already ruined, you may as well go fishing...."






Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: The reels, the rods, the wading boots, the rowboat, the truck, and even a cabin in the woods. They spent a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don't even catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they are driving home they are really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, " Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"





This guy is pulling his boat to the lake when he gets a flat.....he pulls the rig over in front of a mental institution.....as he is changing the tire on his truck it starts to rain...he had just put the spare on when he kicked over the hub cap full of lug nuts in the mud....he diggs and diggs, then starts cussi'n...."Here I am..in the rain...no lug nuts...and can't get to the lake"....all of a sudden he here's a voice...as he turns around he sees a guy from the funny farm at the fence....the guy says...."Why don't you just take one lug nut off each tire..put them on the spare.. and that will get you going?"....the guy did and said "Thanks!"...by the way,...your pretty sharp...why are you in there?....The guy said.."Well I maybe NUTS, BUT I ain't STUPID.





Three guys are fishing, they notice on the bank this animal..... The first guy said "Look an alligator".....The second guy said "No thats a crocodile!"....The third guy said "Your both wrong it's a Crocagator!"....The other two guys said "Whats a Crocagator?"....The guy said "It's the meanest animal in the world. It has the head of a Crocodile on one end and the head of a Alligator on the other so he can snap both ways"....The other guy said "Wait just a minute...If he has a head on both ends how does he crap?"....The guy said he DON'T...thats what makes him so damn mean!!!!





Two guys are fishing on Black Lake when a big storm came up...They headed for an island...once there they seen a light...it was a big lodge hidden in the trees...as they knocked a 70 year old lady opened the door they stayed the night and left the next morning....9 months later one guy called the other and said "Remember 9 months ago in New York when we were stuck in the storm on that island?" His buddy said "Yeah" "Remember the 70 year old lady?" His buddy said "Yeah" He said "Did you sneak in her room in the middle of the night?" His buddy said "Yeah" The guy said "Now tell me the truth, Did you give her "MY" name?" His buddy said "Well yeah I did,why?" "I just wanted to say....."Thanks" she just died and left me 10 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!!





One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, an investment banker came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of her workday. She noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family.

"You aren't going to catch many fish that way," said the investment banker to the fisherman. "You should be working rather than lying on the beach".
The fisherman looked up at the investment banker, smiled and replied, "And what will my reward be?"

"Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish" was the banker's answer.

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman, still smiling.
The investment banker replied, "You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish".

"And then what will my reward be?" asked the fisherman again.
The investment banker was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. "You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you" she said.

"And then what will my reward be?" repeated the fisherman.

The investment banker was getting angry. "Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you".

Once again the fisherman asked, "And then what will my reward be?"
The investment banker was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, "Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again. You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world."

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "And what do you think I'm doing right now!"





Bob and Dick had been waiting at the restaurant for almost an hour for the fish they had ordered, when the waiter finally came to the table and announced that the fish would soon be ready. Bob asked, "Tell me, waiter, just what kind of bait are you using?"





Bob and Joe just love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up on Black Lake, and they took off up there The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all the tackle they would need. One of them said, "We're also going to need an ice pick."

So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left.

In about an hour, he was back and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."

The fellow couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the boat in the water yet."





Did I ever tell you about the BIG Walleye I caught??

That fish was so big the head was rotten by the time he got the tail out of the water.

That fish was so big the picture alone weighed twenty pounds





This guy and his wife both loved to fish. They both died at the same time and went to heaven. Here they are in their brand new Ranger made of solid gold, with their trolling motor made of sterling silver, with platinum reels and titanium rods. They have fool proof lures and they get a strike on every cast, hook the fish and land it. The wife turned to the husband and said," Isn't this just wonderful,dear?". "Yes, and if it hadn't been for you and that low fat/ no cholesterol diet, we could have been enjoying this 10 years ago!".





Three religious leaders of different faiths were fishing in a boat not far from the shore when one opened his flybox to tie on his lucky fly. "Augh, I forgot my lucky fly!" The preacher jumped out of the boat and walked across the water, got his lucky fly from the truck and walked back into the boat. The second preacher, not wanting to be shown up stated that he forgot his lucky hat. He stood up jumped out of the boat and walked across the water like the first. After returning with his lucky hat the third decided he should go back to the truck to prove that his faith would help him walk on water. So he told the others that he left his sunglasses. He stood, jumped out of the boat and "KAPLOOSH" under he went! The first one looked at the second and asked "do you think we should've shown him where the stepping stones were?"





Most lures fall into one of two categories:
(1)- The lures that a fisherman swears he swears by and that he will generously share with you.
(2) The ones that he hides because they really work.





Three guys are fishing on this jungle river, when there captured buy natives....Tied at the stake...up walks the chief...he says "Were gonna skin your hides for canoes...eat your flesh...and grind your bones for our garden....any last requests?...The first guy said "Give me a knife"...and he cut his own throat!...the second guy said.. "Give me a knife"...and he cut his own throat!....the third guy said... "Give me a fork!"...when they did he stabbed him self all over a hundred times...as the guy neared death he said..."Well ...to hell with your canoe!"




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